Career crisis aaaaaaagh

Okay so it suddenly hit me that I know literally nothing oriented to a possible career except for independent game design, which makes zero money and isn't applicable at all to professional game design, which in addition to making zero money, is completely soul-crushing horrorshow.

So I asked some friends from the game design circle on what they do for a living:

AUGH

And then they started joking about how they're male prostitutes who charge extra from fat girls, like typical IRC people.

--

Now here's a desperate request:
If you happen to be proficient in a subject to a professional level, like medical stuff or chemistry or economics or stock market or something that's not programming, here's a deal.  You teach me your trade, and I'll teach you programming or graphics design or game design or 3D modeling.  Yay/neigh?