Saturday, February 26, 2011

College Emails Spam

Well I'm getting spammed with college emails. Rather than inb4rage on them I'm picking out their subject lines out-of-context.

Most likely to assassinate me: "You're on my list, Roy!" (Fordham University)
Most melancholic: "Trying to reach you ... please respond?" (Swarthmore College)
Stalker much?: "Since you're online, please read" (Drexel University)
Most likely to be a line from Watchmen: "They are people who deal in big ideas..." (Lyle School of Engineering)
Most... what?: "Our alums show up in a big way to help you succeed" (Colgate University)
Best attempt at a guess: "How are you mapping out your search for a college home - on a napkin?" (University of Chicago)
Most openly racist: "Be Decisive. Choose Rice." (Rice University) (Yes, I am Asian).
Most confused about Darwinian theories: "Roy, Your Evolution at Rutgers Begins Today." (Rutgers University)

Good night.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, I've been getting lots of these. Many are pretty sane (and a lot of them are identical to yours, not surprisingly), although the vast majority are stalkerish and invasive. Here's a few that aren't: some are non-sequitirs, some are hackneyed, and some are simply disconcerting.

    Peel Here (Macalester College)
    The First Nuclear Reaction (University of Chicago)
    Jeremiah, find your passion ... (Champlain College)
    We are not doing what you think we're doing at Bates. (Bates University)
    We are climbing a mountain of smartness (Bates University)
    It's Time to Get to Know Stevens (Stevens Institute of Technology)
    You don't have much time (Drexel University)
    We're Dancing (Saint Mary's College of California)
    Jeremiah, find your passion ... (Champlain College)