College Emails Spam

Well I'm getting spammed with college emails. Rather than inb4rage on them I'm picking out their subject lines out-of-context.

Most likely to assassinate me: "You're on my list, Roy!" (Fordham University)
Most melancholic: "Trying to reach you ... please respond?" (Swarthmore College)
Stalker much?: "Since you're online, please read" (Drexel University)
Most likely to be a line from Watchmen: "They are people who deal in big ideas..." (Lyle School of Engineering)
Most... what?: "Our alums show up in a big way to help you succeed" (Colgate University)
Best attempt at a guess: "How are you mapping out your search for a college home - on a napkin?" (University of Chicago)
Most openly racist: "Be Decisive. Choose Rice." (Rice University) (Yes, I am Asian).
Most confused about Darwinian theories: "Roy, Your Evolution at Rutgers Begins Today." (Rutgers University)

Good night.